Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Orna Mental

I've kind of not felt like myself for a long time.  I'm not really sure what "feeling like myself" means, but I do know that I'm just kind of off kilter.

I used to be very creative, but the past few years I haven't been able think creatively.  Getting back into playing RPGs has helped a bit, but I'm still not exactly back to where I used to be.  I'm planning on running a game soon.  Ideas are flowing here and there, but when I sit here to write them out, they just don't seem to be able to move from my brain to my fingers.

At work, there is a health program that offers free blood work annually.  I do this most years depending on where I feel I stand weight-wise.  This year, they are also offering a free mental health evaluation.  Not figuring anything I was feeling was out of the ordinary, I filled out the survey.  Now, for good or for ill, I have a telephone counseling appointment in a couple of weeks.

Is this something that's going to help or hinder my lack of creativity and focus or is it just going to prove that I just need to hike up my pants and act like a real adult for once?

I've never been a big proponent of medicating whether it's prescriptions or something else.  Life is what you make it and there's no reason not to make the best of it.  The FNP(PA?  I'm not really sure what she is now that I think of it...) has always asked after my frame of mind.  If I really felt like a pharmaceutical would help, she would be happy to prescribe.

My wife has said I have only two moods:  red faced, screaming angry or neutral, blah, okay.  No happy, no sad, just Incredible Hulk or brown paper boring.  Is that a problem?  Sometimes it can be for her, I suppose.  The song "Why" by Andrew Bird has a line that says "Damn you for being so easy going."  I'm sure she has this going through head pretty frequently.

Bottom line...what's the bottom line?  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I just a regular middle aged geeky guy?  Do I need medication or just counseling?  Do I really need anything other than a couple of beers and some geeky TV?

I guess I'll have a better idea in a few weeks.